“SIDS is something that you aren’t born with”
Finally able to share her story 20 months after her baby’s unexpected death, Nicholas’ mother continues to struggle with the pain of losing her baby. She shares, “I knew about SIDS and what not to do, but I wish I would have known that there is a SIDS monitor for sleeping babies.”
It happened on the morning of her first Mother’s Day. Happy and healthy baby Nicholas woke at 6:30 am to eat. Just like every other normal feeding, he was burped and cuddled back to sleep. At 9:00 am when his father checked on him, the baby was blue. After an ambulance ride to the hospital, Nicholas’ family was told the words none ever want to hear: “We tried everything we could – I’m sorry to say your son has passed away.”
Full Story and Interview:
This story is to not make anyone upset or to get any attention sympathy out of anyone! This is just to finally share my story. For the past year I have been in and out of depression and hiding all my feelings. On May 7th, 2016 it was my last day/night with my first born son. I’m so happy I spent the whole day bonding with my baby. Not thinking anything was going to happen, I was so excited for the next day because it was my first mothers day! After putting my peanut to sleep my sons father gave me my first mothers day gift! It was a picture frame of Baby Nicholas(my son) with a “I love you Mommy” quote on it. That frame made me cry so much out of happiness ive never loved any present more. My son woke up at 6:30 for a feeding normal as can be. Burped him coddled him and he fell back asleep. 9 Am comes I hear his father get out of bed and go to pick him up as he usually does. But this time it wasn’t the same as the others. All I can remember is him screaming ” Why is he blue???!!!!!
He isn’t breathing!!! I didn’t even know what to do I ran to get my phone and called 911 right away. My mom was trying mouth to mouth we all were nothing was happening. Not even being able to talk to or hear straight all I remember is saying my son stopped breathing my son stopped breathing please help!! In the matter of 2 minutes fire engines, EMT officers and police men come running in my house. All I remember hearing was loud foot prints running through my house saying “all clothes off” push push. 2 minutes later they take him in the ambulance. My head isn’t even wrapped in this yet I didn’t know where my baby was going. Its weird to explain I knew what was going on but in the back of my mind I thought he would be ok. As im talking to the police officer to go in the ambulance with my son they wouldn’t let me. We had to go in a police car. I really didn’t understand why (police weren’t giving us a hard time they just said this is what we have to do) Crying hysterical and holding
the fathers hand in the car I didn’t know what I was going into. As soon as we got to the hospital we ran in the ER where he was. Standing infront of the door was 2 police officer asking everyone who went if they are the mother. When I got in the room they had my baby hooked up to these breathing monitors with no motion happening!! I ran out crying. it felt like a slow motion movie with people crying doctors doing cpr family members that got called right away crying on the floor. 20+ minutes later a nurse gathered us into a room. Where she had said.” We tried everything we could im sorry to say your son has passed away” Those words still trigger me to this day. Could this be? Did I really just lose my 3 week old baby son who would smile and be so aware and loving and cuddling how did this happen? Why did this happen? He was healthy and happy. The days seemed very long and all a blur I still cant even talk about the funeral. My son deserves to be on this earth, but I know god has a
plan for everything. A month after this all I went into PTSD. I thought everyone I was around was going to get hurt/ or even stop breathing in there sleep. I would check on my little 11 year old sister every 10 minutes in the middle of the night. It took me a week to look at my sons picture. And it still is so hard to do. Till this day im trying so hard to move forward it does get easier but the pain is always there. My message to all moms who have or are suffering this pain, it is the most hurtful thing I know! But I want you all to know its not that it gets easier you get used to living with the pain and you get used to feeling emotional. But I live each and every day in my sons name and know he is always with me. Moms, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss and wish all of you a peace of mind and better days forward. Just know your little angel baby is always with you, Just like my son always is with me and lives in my heart forever!
What did you know about SIDS before you lost your child?:
What do you wish you had known sooner?:
I wish I had known that there was a SIDS monitor while sleeping.
Are there any SIDS support groups or resources you’d recommend to other parents who have lost a child?:
Is there anything other parents can do to help spread awareness about SIDS?: