“I couldn’t believe it happened to me.”

Reader Angelica S. lost her baby girl, Faith to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. She wrote in to share her experience with other new parents. Here’s Angelica’s story, in her own words.

Faith ScottAngelica, please explain your SIDS experience.

Faith was born on October 1, 2012. She was the happiest baby I could imagine; she was the reason I’m still here.

When she was born I didn’t even get to hold her. I was going through some health issues at that time, so I had to get a hysterectomy, but I fought to see her and hold her and tell her mommy loves her so much.

On June 28– it was a Friday–I dropped my daughter off at my moms and left and went to work. Saturday night I went out with my boyfriend. On June 30 at 9:45 a.m., I received the most heartbreaking call.

It seems like yesterday that it happened. My dad called me and said ‘whatever you are doing, get dressed or come the way you are. I have EMS working on Faith.’

I told him to take her to Santa Rosa. I was on my way. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to think.

At that time I ran downstairs crying, heartbroken. He called me and told me to go to Methodist Hospital to where they took her.

I went and the nurse told me they weren’t ready for me and told me to wait. I waited for two minutes before they took me to the back. The doctor told me to sit down. I sat, and they started asking me about her. When was the last time I saw her? He told me, ‘we got a call from EMS at 9:45 a.m. stating your daughter was not breathing, not responsive, no heartbeat.’

I kept asking him, ‘she’s okay, right? She’s okay, right?’

He said ‘I’m sorry to tell you, your daughter was pronounced dead.’

I cried and yelled and fell to the floor. My baby was gone. I couldn’t believe it.

She looked like she was sleeping, so beautiful and warm. Then they told me they were going to open up an investigation to see what happened. After all of that, they told me it was SIDS.

I couldn’t believe it happened to me. I blame myself, because I should’ve gone, not her. She was so perfect and beautiful.

What did you know about SIDS before you lost your child?

Not much, just that babies die in their sleep.

What do you wish you had known sooner?

I would have kept her and stayed awake to make sure she was alive and breathing.

Is there anything other parents can do to help spread awareness about SIDS?

Yes, there’s a lot, but no one wants to hear it.

Have you lost a child to SIDS? Share your story with us by clicking here.

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